Ladies, We Need to Talk

NEVER Google yourself. I know this. Thankfully I’m not famous enough (via skill, wisdom, or a ‘leaked’ home-porno) to warrant such a thing. But a part of me, a significant part no less, is Google‘able. I snubbed the advice; I Googled.

Google, what are the most common mental illnesses? According to Google, the 5 most common mental health disorders are as follows; depression, anxiety, eating disorders, attention deficit disorder, and substance abuse.

What’s the diagnosis? Depression; check. Anxiety; check. Eating disorder; check (invite me to lunch and I know you’ve not read this column), attention deficit disorder; no, substance abuse...? What is a substance and what would abusing one look like?

We can all picture the park-bench destitute clutching cheap liquor in a brown paper bag. But do simple typecasts allow us to minimize our own behavior? Consider that coffee you need to get going? How about that quick-fix laxative? And what of your ritualistic glass of wine at the end of a stressful day? What does it all mean? I don't know.

I’m scoring myself at 3.5 until further notice.

This puts me at 70% mental (3.5 divided by 5 times 100). Do I crack open the Moët in celebration of my achievement, or pop a beta-blocker to calm the palpitations?

Yes, I’m mental. But, as The World Health Organization reports, so are 1 in 4 of us. If that’s not you, it’s likely to be 1 of 3 people you know. Ladies, we need to talk about being MENTAL.